


Understanding the Universe

by lepetitprince



Series: Understanding the Universe [1]
Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepetitprince/pseuds/lepetitprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel is surprised that Michael and Lucifer has managed to stay civil for so long in the same room. He's more surprised that they survived the day without Lucifer setting fire to something." </p><p>The death of Castiel's father draws his family back to the house they lived in. It is the first time that the entire Novak family has been together in over a decade. His family looks like strangers to him and Castiel thinks they are strangers. They are forced to turn the house upside down when Crowley reveals that their father had hidden the will somewhere in the house. While Castiel tries to make sense of the shit that is life, he tries to not to get sucked into the tyrannical battles of his dysfunctional family as he helps search for the will. This is hard because on the first day back to his hometown, he meets Dean Winchester, small town mechanic, who insists on spinning his life out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Understanding the Universe

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

                One of Castiel’s earliest memories involved driving a red toy race car. He remembers pressing his small feet against the black car pedal as he spun the black wheel until it became nothing but a blur. Castiel must have been at least four.

“Vroom, vroom!” Castiel had screeched as he imagined himself racing down the street.

In his mind, he had just zoomed by all the other cars and made all the traffic lights. He imagined himself parking right in front of The Roadhouse and Ellen would give him free hamburgers because damn, he had a nice car. At the age of four, Castiel had been living the life in his plastic red car. Except that he wasn’t really living because he wasn’t really moving.

                Eventually, Gabriel had wandered into the living room and raised an eyebrow. “Castiel… you know that you’re not really going anywhere right?” The brown haired boy would ask with an amused expression.

                But Castiel hadn’t cared. He liked his car. He liked pretending that he could actually drive. He liked knowing that at any second, he could whisk out of this small-time town and out into the universe. Castiel had only answered his brother with a smile as he spun the wheel again with one grand gesture.

  
                Gabriel rolled his eyes and laughed. “What a brat.” He ran over to where his baby brother was and stood behind the car. Without warning, he started to push Castiel around the living room causing the little boy to squeal happily. It was one of the few family memories where Castiel could probably look fondly back on; if there were any other memories, Castiel must have blocked them out.

               Castiel is sitting beside his sister, Anna, on the living room couch. She’s changed since she moved out to be a hipster artist in New York. The last time he saw her, he was 11 and he had begged her not to go. Anna had slipped away in the night; she had emptied her bank account and dipped into the family account. Michael threw the biggest fit in the world.  Castiel looks at Anna through the corner of his eyes.

“So Gabriel said that you’re a teacher.” Anna initiates. Her voice is so unsure, but it’s laced with politeness reserved for strangers. She twists her body and she’s looking at Castiel with those doe eyes of hers.

                She’s trying. Castiel can see this. He nods his head. “Literature.” He doesn’t feel like speaking much. He thinks Anna understands because she doesn’t push any further.

                Gabriel bounces into the room with a lollipop in his mouth. Of course his brother would grow up to own a confectionary store. The fact that it’s a success in Boston is a huge surprise to Castiel. Gabriel squishes himself between Anna and Castiel.

                “Ah, I love family reunions.” Gabriel sighs happily, snaking one hand each around Anna and Castiel. “There’s nothing like coming back to squabble over your childhood house….except maybe to see your older brothers claw each others’ eyes out.”

                “This isn’t funny, Gabriel.” Castiel mutters.

                Castiel received the call from Michael a little over a week ago. He had come home late from the school; it had been Castiel’s turn to watch the kids that were put in detention. He had had to spend two hours in a classroom with a bunch of teenagers who insisted on throwing spitballs at each other. Castiel didn’t even think kids knew what spitballs were anymore. As long as they hadn’t spat at him, Castiel ignored it.

                Castiel thinks that he hates his life when Michael tells him the news. Their father, who had disappeared when Castiel was three, was pronounced dead by a coroner in New Mexico. (New Mexico? Really? What the hell had his dad been doing there anyways?) The lawyer had faxed over his father’s will.

                “Dad had the foresight to leave a will?” Castiel didn’t mean to be snarky but he couldn’t help it. He knows what’s coming next. Michael would tell him to come home. And Castiel would come back to a family that wasn’t really a family, and he would come back to show them a life that he doesn’t really like very much. It was cold, penniless, and loveless.

                Castiel stuck a frozen dinner in the microwave as he listened to Michael tell him all the details. He wonders what Michael looks like now. He hadn’t seen his brother in over five years. Castiel wonders if Michael still gels his hair and parts it to the right. The mashed potato in his mouth tasted like plastic and the baked chicken was flavourless and dry.

                The teacher ended up chucking the food in the garbage. It piled up with the leftover food from the night before. He texts Balthazar and asks if he wants to fuck. Castiel feels like he deserves one last night in the sack before he goes back home to face his family. Castiel is folding his clothes neatly in a battered, brown suitcase when he hears a furious, insistent knocking on the door. When Castiel opens the door, Balthazar pounces on him.

                “I don’t think I closed up shop that fast before.” He growls. Balthazar smells like his winery. Castiel tastes pressed grapes on Balthazar’s neck and he breathes in a smoky, dry aroma.

                Castiel forgets how their relationship had started. He remembers needing a good bottle of wine for a staff party. Castiel had been browsing one of the fancier wine shops downtown when he met the owner; the meeting had ended with Balthazar giving Castiel a blowjob in the backroom. Castiel digs his fingernails into his sheets as Balthazar pounds into him at a steady pace. His body is sweating and he feels his lower belly coil with a burning intensity; Castiel doesn’t feel warm though.

                Later that night, Castiel studies Balthazar’s face when the man is sleeping in his bed. Castiel is already dressed and back to packing. For a brief moment, he envisions Balthazar coming home with him. Castiel thinks that the nice thing about a relationship is so when you attended family reunions, you have someone to bring home to face the turmoil. You two are lovers, partners in crime, thinkers that are ready to take on the world. Castiel snaps the lock in his suitcase in place and lets out a sigh.

                Castiel sits back on the bed and finds that he can’t sleep. He feels a hand snake around his waist. He looks over his should to see Balthazar fluttering his eyelashes awake. “

                “What are you still doing up, sweetheart?” The man drawls.

Castiel shrugs. He feels Balthazar pulls him in for a kiss. Castiel frowns and moves his cheeks a little so they don’t really kiss. Balthazar ends up kissing the corner of  Castiel’s mouth. Castiel doesn’t like kissing. The act is so intimate. It was nothing like fucking which were mostly carnal desires. The few times that Castiel had kissed in his life, he had always felt guilty. He didn’t really love the person. Castiel had only found the people tolerable at best.

                 “Jeez. You still have a stick up your ass.” Balthazar comments, letting his head back on the pillow. “You’d think after our intense fucking sessions, you’d be okay with us kissing.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything.

                “You have trust issues, you know that?” Balthazar points out, twisting his body so he could rest his head in Castiel’s lap. He grins up at the teacher. “That’s okay. I’m fucked up too, darling.”

Castiel knows Balthazar is fucked up and he’s grateful for this. Castiel doesn’t feel as much as shame as he normally would. See, Castiel knows that he has trust issues. He doesn’t think that he has ever properly loved someone before. Castiel has cared for a few, select people, but the feelings had never been strong enough to compel Castiel to change his life for them. He thinks this is funny because he’s teaching _Romeo and Juliet_  at the moment.

And that was how Castiel had spent his last night in Maryland: sulking and fucking. His life in Maryland hadn’t been much, but it had been enough for Castiel to miss his daily routine. The youngest Novak leans against the arm of the couch and hides his relief when the rest of the family comes into the living room.

                “The lawyer will be here soon.” Michael says. Castiel notes that Michael still gels his hair and parts it to the right. “Best behaviour everyone.”

                 “Best behaviour everyone.” Lucifer mimics as he plops himself down in an armchair. “Still acting like a fucking twat, I see.”

Castiel wants to roll his eyes. Even after all this time, the two eldest Novaks acted like dogs pissing all of over any territories regardless if it was marked or not. Castiel just knows that he wants to get out of this house. It holds unpleasant reminders of their lives. Castiel can barely recognize any of his supposed family that was gathered in the living room. He thinks that he’ll just give up his share of the house and let Michael deal with it. He’ll be rid of all this with a flick of his pen.

Castiel should have realized that it wouldn’t be as simple as that. He really shouldn’t have thought it would be that simple when Crowley strode in the living room in his $5000 suit with a devilish smirk on his face.


End file.
